


As Close As We Can Be

by dragons_and_angels



Category: To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: F/M, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Intimacy, Peter's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-04 23:47:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15851904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragons_and_angels/pseuds/dragons_and_angels
Summary: "Yes, I want to have sex with you and you can stop smiling about it now.""I'll try but it's going to be hard," Peter said honestly.Peter and Lara Jean's first time together.





	As Close As We Can Be

**Author's Note:**

> After watching and loving the film and the chemistry between Lana Condor and Noah Centineo, I decided to write their first time together. I've read the first book but not the latter two books (though I've been spoiled for the plot points) but in this fic I've gone with movie canon for the main events, though snippets of book canon slipped in there. 
> 
> Also this fic would be rated Underage in any countries where the age of consent is 18 but not in the state of Oregon, where the film and this fic is set so I haven't tagged it. It's two teenagers the same age (17) having sex so if you don't want to read that, stop here.

There were several things Peter found different about dating Lara Jean than he did dating Gen. The most important reason was that they were two different people and reacted very differently to things. Gen could get possessive about Peter talking to other girls and would follow the girl into the bathroom and warn her off (Peter had overheard the threats once and found it hot at the time). Lara Jean would get all quiet and Peter would almost have to guess what was bothering her.

The one thing they had in common: they were both insanely hot. In different ways but Peter still found himself losing words around Lara Jean. She would walk towards him in that skirt that he knew she thought was cute and fun but really revealed acres of long leg and meant all he could imagine was those legs wrapped around his waist.

But Gen and he had experience together and he and Lara Jean had nothing much. And it wasn't something Peter felt comfortable in bringing up because thanks to how they started their relationship, Lara Jean was really funny about Gen.

If Peter was being honest with himself, it was probably very similar to how he felt about Lara Jean and Sanderson.

Anyway, he knew that Lara Jean knew he had had sex before, apparently that was a thing that everyone knew about, much like he knew Lara Jean hadn't had sex before. But how to bring it up? What happened between Gen and him had just happened but he kind of wished they had talked about it more beforehand.

With all the best intentions, he brought it up one day. "Lara Jean, what do you think about having sex?" She looked at him like he just had announced that he wanted to take up Irish dancing and move to Tibet. "Not right now, obviously." They were on a school bench talking about the English test Lara Jean had just aced and he hadn't done so well. His girlfriend was insanely smart and he couldn't help but think that made her even hotter.

He could never let his friends know.

"Obviously," Lara Jean said as she started to turn red and get that hunted look right whenever Peter wanted to talk to her about their relationship or where they were going.

"But I just wanted... I think we should talk about it first before actually doing anything." His mom had drilled into his brain that he should talk about sex in a non-sexy setting before having it. He hadn't listened to her when it came to Gen and that hadn't really been how he had wanted things to go. It hadn't been bad, but it could have been a whole lot better.

"We've done stuff," she blurted out and then immediately went even redder. They had had some pretty heavy make-outs scenes but never with the expectation that they were going to lead anywhere.

"Yeah, of course we have." The infamous hot tub video came to mind but Peter shoved it out of his mind. The last thing he wanted was to start getting angry again. "But I want to have sex. Not right now... but sometime." Now he was turning red. Anyone coming past the bench right now would look at the two of them and know exactly what they were talking about.

"Oh. Me too."

That made Peter grin and Lara Jean glare at him. It was one of those glares she pulled out when she thought he had said something he shouldn't have but wasn't actually mad about it. "What? I'm not going to be sad that my girlfriend wants to have sex with me."

"Shhh." She looked around frantically as if they wouldn't be able to see someone walk up to them from a mile away. "Yes, I want to have sex with you and you can stop smiling about it now."

"I'll try but it's going to be hard," Peter said honestly. He leaned across the table and put one hand on Lara Jean's cheek. She leaned into it before pulling him close for a kiss. The wood of the table pressed into his stomach and he shifted, irritated he couldn't get any closer without breaking the kiss.

She was the one to pull back first. "I want to have sex with you, Peter," she said in the same tone of voice that she used to say she wanted to go to the Corner diner after school.

Maybe talking about this at school wasn't the best idea. Peter would have to give it a few minutes before he could stand up without giving everyone an eyeful.

"But I want it to be somewhere where we won't be interrupted." Lara Jean kept talking and Peter tried to focus on that. "And Dad gave me a lot of condoms so we're set for that."

"Er... what?" Lara Jean looked up, startled, and then turned red again as she realised what she had said.

"Your dad gave you condoms?"

"Before the last ski trip. It was so embarrassing." Peter found himself gaping at his girlfriend. Mr Covey had made a point of telling him to keep his hands to himself but apparently he had told his daughter something a little different.

"Well, at least we don't have to worry about that." In the distance, he could hear the bell start to go. Their conversation was over for the moment and it looks like all the talk about Mr Covey had taken care of Peter's problem.

***

The next ski trip started off ten times better than before because Lara Jean sat next to Peter on the bus trip up and he was able to pull her close. She was wearing a plaid mini-skirt with knee socks, simultaneously managing cute and sexy at the same time.

They listened to music most of the way up and then Lara Jean fell asleep on his shoulder. He got a few looks from the other guys but as much he wanted to, he didn't return them. Lara Jean would kill him if she found out he had hinted what was going to happen on the ski trip and, as much as he wanted to show off his girlfriend, he also didn't want to make her unhappy.

He ignored all hints from his friend throughout the journey and at the actual location. It was helped by one idiot he barely knew bringing up the video from last year and Peter glaring at him until he ran away.

"You okay?" Lara Jean asked when he saw her next. She and Lucas were curled up by the open fire discussing a new book that had just come out. Something about a New York editor dating some shipping heir in the romance novel of the year.

"Yeah, I just needed a break." Peter sat down next to her and tried not to look too obviously relieved. Lara Jean smiled at him but seemed to get he didn't want to talk as she went back to talking with Lucas, one hand resting on Peter's knee. He zoned out on her voice as it rose and fell in her excitement.

He must have drifted off because the next time he opened his eyes, Lara Jean was curled up next to him reading one of her endless books and Lucas was gone.

"Hey, Peter," Lara Jean said when she noticed he was awake. She put her bookmark in her book and gave Peter her full attention. He tried to wake up enough to have that serious discussion Lara Jean looked like she wanted to have but his mind was still blurry from sleep. "You know how you talked about having sex?"

Well, that was one way of getting him to pay attention. Peter sat up a little and glanced around. No one in earshot, although Lara Jean probably would have considered that before she brought the subject up.

"Er, yeah." All other words had fallen out of his head.

"I want to have sex here. On this trip, not _here_ , here by the fire." Lara Jean had gone pink and Peter stared at her with her mouth open.

"I thought you wouldn't have sex on a school trip," he said dumbly. He felt like if his friends saw him trying to talk his girlfriend out of having sex, he would lose his reputation, but right now, making sure Lara Jean was actually sure of this was far more important.

"Yeah, I know. But I want somewhere we can have privacy behind a locked door and I want it to be with you. I trust you, Peter."

Peter lifted a hand to run it through Lara Jean's hair, feeling the silky strands slip over his skin. He loved her, more than he thought he could love anyone, and he dearly wished he had the words to tell Lara Jean how much.

"I love you." Judging by Lara Jean's smile, that was enough. "If you're sure, then yeah let's do it. But only if you're sure. I don't want you regretting anything." He would prefer not to have sex, and he really wanted to have sex with Lara Jean, than to have her say she regretted the whole thing.

"Peter, I've thought about this a lot. And I talked about it with Lucas." She looked a little sheepish but Peter really shouldn't be surprised. She had told Lucas about the whole fake dating thing when she hadn't even told her own sisters and when Lucas had gotten his heart broken a month ago, she had cancelled a date with Peter just to make sure he was alright. Peter liked Lucas, a lot more than he liked Sanderson, but he was really glad he was gay. "My roommate didn't show up for the trip, she said she was sick. Lucas made sure he and you were partnered together." When did that happen? He didn't remember that happening. "He is going to come to my room and sleep there, while I'm going to come to your room tonight after curfew. Ms Davenport is a really heavy sleeper and she'll stay up for one hour after curfew but then head to bed."

"It sounds like you've got everything worked out," Peter said. He was still a little stunned that his girlfriend was the one suggesting this. He thought the first time they had sex would be a rushed hour in between one of their parents coming home and their siblings being out. He had wanted an actual bed rather than the back of the car or outside but it was hard to get privacy with a bed.

Lara Jean faltered at his words. "Do you... not want to?"

"No!" He was a little louder than he meant to be at that and glanced around. No one was paying attention to them but he lowered his voice anyway. "Trust me, Lara Jean, I want to. I love you and you're incredibly hot but if you regret this in the morning, it would kill me."

She put her hand on his cheek. "Peter, I trust you. I trust you not to dump me in the morning as soon as we have sex. I trust you not to spread this around school and most of all, I trust you to stop if I say no at any point." Peter nodded, though it wasn't really a question. "I want to do this. I've brought protection, I've been dating you for a year now and I love you. I'm ready."

Peter nodded again.

Later that night, Peter was pacing his room waiting for Lara Jean. He had been receiving updates via text from both Lara Jean and Lucas and everything seemed to be going smoothly but now it was happening, he was really freaking nervous.

There was a quiet knock on the door and Lara Jean was coming through, ski jacket over her nightdress.

"Hey Peter," she said and smiled.

That was enough to have Peter striding across the room and pulling her into a kiss. He really liked kissing Lara Jean, even more so when she said she hadn't really liked kissing that much until she started dating him.

He gripped her waist and pulled her towards him. She was warm but the ski jacket was preventing any real closeness. She pulled away and smiled, her cheeks tinted pink.

"Hang on." She slid off the jacket and then moved back into position. He lifted Lara Jean's legs around his waist, pressing her against him more fully than before. The thin fabric of her dress was barely any barrier. Her breasts were pressed against his chest and all across his front was a warm, heavyweight.

He wriggled a little as he slid off his jacket, already too hot in the room, and pulled Lara Jean down with him as he fell against the bed. She pulled back and looked down at him, her dark eyes alight with pleasure. Peter's gaze flickered over her face and he smiled because what else could he do?

"Lara Jean," he said and then the rest of the words dried up in his mouth. He didn't have the words to properly explain how much he loved Lara Jean right then. He hadn't told her this but sometimes he watched older couples with their kids and wondered if that would be the two of them one day.

Instead of using words, something which could be so easily muddled and misinterpreted, he put a hand in Lara Jean's loose hair and pulled her close. The kiss was slow and careful as he widened his legs a little, letting his girlfriend slide in between them. He was starting to get hard and the feel of Lara Jean was enough to make him shiver.

"Peter," she said the next time she pulled back. Her voice was breathy and aroused, something which he really wished he could record so he could replay the sound over and over again. He wanted to hear her so the next time he went to kiss her, he started to kiss down her neck. Nothing that would mark her skin, much as he would like to see proof, she hated it when he left visible marks, but Peter followed the curve of her body until he had reached the neckline of her dress.

"You can do it," Lara Jean said. When he looked up at her, she brushed a lock of her hair out of her face and smiled down at him. She was nervous but he could see a glint in her eye that she got right before she did something she always wanted to do.

"You sure?" He had touched her there and she had said she enjoyed it but there was something more here in this moment. They were in a room alone, a locked door behind them and the rest of the world. Lucas had handed over the room key so he couldn't get back into the room and had sworn not to disturb them unless it was a teacher emergency.

Lara Jean's expression flashed and when she smiled, there was no more trace of the nerves from before.

"I'm wearing a really nice bra." Peter had to kiss her right then, although he had to pull away when her dress proved harder than expected. He couldn't just push it down, there was a string of buttons at the back.

"Why did you pick your most difficult nightdress?" he grumbled as he fiddled with the clasp at the back. He felt clumsy and inexperienced and it wasn't putting him in a good mood. He wanted this to be good for Lara Jean, for it to go as smoothly as it had gone in the books she read, and it was being messed up.

"Because I wanted to look pretty for you." Lara Jean sounded uncomfortable now and that was the last thing he wanted. He sighed and sat back on his heels.

"You look pretty no matter what you wear. Even when you're wearing your sweatpants and about half a pound of flour in your hair." She blinked at him, dark eyelashes fluttering in a way that made everything tighten and he licked his lips. "And, right now, you are so incredibly hot that it's hard to think straight." His voice sounded hoarse, not quite his own and he would feel embarrassed if it wasn't for Lara Jean's reaction.

Her cheeks had flushed pink, so pink they were almost glowing. Apart from finding this cute, Peter also had the idle thought that he wondered what she would look like, flushed from a different kind of activity. And then he blushed.

Lara Jean didn't say anything, simply reached behind her and a few seconds later, she was pushing her dress down her arms, to her waist and off her body completely. Her bra was teal blue and didn't match her white panties, but it had lace and flowers and Peter's mouth had gone completely dry. He swallowed. There was something different in seeing his girlfriend like this. No rushed, frenzied groping in a darkened car or a quick look in her bedroom with the door as closed as they could make it. They didn't have to worry about time or her dad walking in, they could spend as long as they wanted.

Peter couldn't say anything if his life depended on it but he pulled Lara Jean closer and shifted around so he was leaning against the headboard with Lara Jean across his lap. "You're right, that is a really nice bra."

Lara Jean laughed but it was cut off by a squeak as he resumed what he was doing before the dress came off. Kisses pressed to the edge of her bra as he listened to her squeaks and moans. He tucked a hand underneath her bra, fingering her nipple and listening as she got louder and louder. His dick was so hard right now and he could barely think straight. She was so incredible, how could he be so lucky?

"Guess you did something... good in a past life," she said and with a distant sense of embarrassment, Peter realised he had said that out loud. He pulled back, his head swimming and he panted against her skin. She shifted on top of him and the next second her bra was on the floor and he was staring up at her, naked from the waist up. Her face was bright red but she was looking down at him with a mutinous expression on her face.

"No comments, Kavinsky."

"What? Not even about how you're the hottest thing I've ever seen?" He really wished he could take a picture and have it to remember this exact moment by but Lara Jean would never go for it and it wouldn't be as good as the real thing.

"I said no comments!" But the smile on her face negated the words and Peter pulled her close. He shucked off his own shirt so he could feel her pressed against him and then got his hands right where he wanted them. As soon as he touched her bare breast, she shivered.

"You cold?" He didn't move his hand when he asked and so Lara Jean had to nudge him a little. He pretended not to know what she wanted and she scowled at him. Her cheeks were still flushed pink and Peter swallowed again.

"No, I'm fine. Move your hand."

"Move my hand?" Peter parroted but he couldn't keep a straight face and Lara Jean shoved his shoulder, almost pouting. He barely moved at the gentle push but he couldn't help but start laughing. Lara Jean tried to hold onto her expression as long as she could but she couldn't stop herself for joining him in his laughter.

Her shoulders shook and her breasts jiggled in an interesting way that caught Peter's eye as soon as he noticed it.

"What?" she asked when she noticed his wandering attention.

"You should laugh naked more often," Peter said honestly and she instantly got what he meant. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. "No, don't stop! Come on, Covey."

"Why are guys so interested in boobs?" Lara Jean asked as she leaned forward. Her arms didn't uncross but she did relax her defensive posture. "They're blobs of fat meant for feeding babies."

"Wow, such dirty talk," Peter said, his face kept utterly straight. "Besides, I'm not interested in just any boobs. I'm interested in your boobs."

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" She looked thoughtful but it was the amused kind, like she was holding in a joke that he just didn't know about yet. It was one of his favourite expressions of hers.

"The best compliment. You have the best boobs and the best smile and the best eyes." Lara Jean was starting to smile, the kind of shy smile Peter loved. "And the best hair." He scratched a hand over her scalp and watched hungrily as her eyelids fluttered. "And the best reactions. The best hands, the best legs, the best laugh."

Lara Jean laughed then and Peter pulled her closer. The two of them were naked from the waist up and he was still hard as a rock but that moment was about them and not sex. It was intimate and it was fun, two things which he got from Lara Jean more than anyone. He had loved Gen and she would also be his first, but they had been all drama at times. There was none of the fun lightness he got with Lara Jean.

He couldn't stop touching her and when she started to make little murmurs and sighs of appreciation, the mood turned into something a little heavier. Lara Jean's skin was hot against his and when the two of them got fully naked, Peter smoothed his hands over her legs, her ass in order to get her as close as possible.

"God, I could stay here forever with you." She looked at him like he was everything to her and he fell in love with her all over again. "Don't ever stop looking at me like that." It was a plea and a wish at the same time.

It wasn't his first time but it was his first time with her and as soon as he was inside her, condom in place after Lara Jean had pulled out several out of her bag (and he would be asking her about them after this), he found it hard not to shoot off. She looked like she didn't know what to think about the whole thing and he couldn't let her first time be a bad one. Reaching a hand down to where they were joined, Peter watched Lara Jean's face as he stroked her, waiting for the reaction.

She gasped and pleasure suffused her face. He rolled them a little so they were more side by side and he stroked her until her body was shuddering with pleasure. It didn't take long after that for Peter to let go and come inside of her, though he knew she hadn't come yet.

"Peter," she said, her voice small and desperate. He was trying to catch his breath but he couldn't resist her non-verbal plea. She came in his arms and it was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen.

"Fuck, Lara Jean," he groaned as he watched her. He was pretty sure he could get it up again real soon especially if she kept looking like that. The air was thick and heavy but he could feel the sweat drying on his skin as he looked down at her. She looked a little shellshocked and he pulled one of the blankets over the top of them. "You okay?"

"Is that what it's like?" Her voice wasn't happy or sad, it was more curious than anything else.

"Yeah, that's it." Peter didn't know what else to say to that as their breathing slowed and Lara Jean pressed herself closer. "Are you okay, Lara Jean? You're not sore, are you?" When he had tried to have sex with Gen straight after they had lost their virginity together, she had punched him and told him to keep her dick away from her until she had recovered properly.

"A little but it's a good sore." She stretched and Peter licked his lips. The sight of her body, round curves glistening in sweat, was more than enough to get him going again but he told himself to knock it off. "I'm okay to stay here a little longer right?"

"Yeah, no rush." He pulled the covers over himself and Lara Jean, enjoying the closeness of being together. She would have to eventually go back to her own room, if only to forestall the rumours and the check-ups from the teachers, but right now Peter could pull her close and enjoy the moment. She had trusted him and he loved her even more for it.


End file.
